Many people dread Monday’s. Monday’s are frankly a chance for me to re-enter some sense of normalcy as I return to the Army world. And this particular Monday would have been like any other. I had hoped to sleep at least until 6:00 a.m. Unfortunately however, Kaydan was awake shortly after 5. As usual he came into our room, snuggled between Lori and I, then proceeded to kick me as he squirmed and rolled under the covers like an alligator eating the blankets. Aware of the time, I was immediately agitated at the early wake-up call and more so at the ensuing barrage of kicks and obvious fact that Kaydan was NOT going back to sleep. He occasionally does in this scenario, but not this particular Monday. Growing increasingly frustrated I got up and asked if he wanted a bath. “Yeah Daddy,” in his enthusiastic and clear spoken voice was the reply. Still aggravated, I turned on the water but at least I was now in control of what was happening, or I so I thought. My real agenda was to hope he would be quite enough taking a bath allowing me to snooze for another 10 minutes. But to no avail, any chance of falling back asleep had seemingly left my body and my mind as my thoughts of the day and week began to wake up as well. Lori was looking on her phone and I lay there thinking maybe we would talk for a few minutes before the next demand for attention.
Sleep had obviously slipped away into those early moments of the day. Lori never said a word, of course neither had I, but for some reason I was slightly annoyed. As I got up to check on Kaydan, I walked around the bed and my annoyed state only deepened as I tripped over Lori’s shoes. As I walked into the bathroom however, my sense of annoyance dissipated into disgust. I looked at Kaydan as he smiled and giggled. The water was brown. Kaydan will often announce the aquatic release of his bowels with a boisterous “I pooped!” Not today. He sat in the brown water with feces floating and also smeared on toys in the bathtub. There was no way of telling how long this had been the case. My disgust deepened. “You’re swimming in your own crap,” I said to myself but loud enough for Lori to hear. Being completely honest that’s the edited version of the phrase that actually went through my mind. We’ve often humorously referred to this regular occurrence as a “Code Brown.” On this early Monday morning however, I simply uttered an unintelligible guttural sound in an effort to get Lori’s attention and response. I heard her feet immediately hit the floor and she walked into the bathroom to the unsightly scene now before the both of us. Kaydan continued to smile seemingly oblivious to the reality that he sat in. Frankly, God only knows how many times this scenario has unfolded in our home. This one was no different, or so I thought.
Lori and I looked at each other as if on cue and we both sighed together. “You get the coffee and I’ll get the crap,” she said. That was an offer I couldn’t refuse! We chuckled with each other in an oddly connected way. I helped Kaydan out of the tub and into the shower. Lori knelt down and began sorting through the toys, all of which needed cleaned and disinfected–again! I walked back into the bedroom to grab my phone before trekking downstairs. As I started to walk out of the bedroom I glanced through the bathroom door to see her stooped over the tub. In that very instant, it was as if I saw Jesus himself stooped down cleaning the crappy mess in our bathtub. All of my annoyance and disgust melted away as the love of Christ was so clearly revealed in such a simple act. My wife has cleaned out the tub so many times, sometimes multiple times a day, but I had never seen the love of Christ in her in such a way and in this scenario. To be sure, Lori embodies the spirit of a servant, oftentimes whether she wants to or not! But in that moment, even as the stench of feces now wafted into our bedroom, the fragrance of love in action overpowered even the foulest aroma.
Tears filled my eyes as I walked down the staircase realizing what I had just witnessed. How many times had I seen it and not even noticed? I felt guilt for my blindness from so many times before, but that was overcome by the great sense of thankfulness that Jesus had seemingly revealed Himself to me in such a way. It was a vivid and powerful reminder of His love for me, and all of us. But even as that picture was frozen in my mind, I realized a deeper truth: We all swim in our own stuff. I am not unlike my son. Even as he was oblivious to his own reality and the mess that he was in, how many times have I done the same thing? Figuratively speaking of course! How many times have you and I been unable to get ourselves out of our own mess that we created? But in the same way that I saw the love of Jesus revealed in my wife as she literally stooped to clean up Kaydan’s mess, how many times does God do that for us? That is, after all, exactly what Christ came to do for us. I am incapable of cleaning up my own mess, i.e. my sin. Through the sacrifice and love of Jesus however, my mess gets cleaned up. The irony is that even though I’m the one who makes the mess, Jesus is the one who cleans it up, just as my dear wife continually cleans up the messes that she did not make. And to be clear, our mess is only cleaned up because of Christ’s death on a cross, and ultimately His Resurrection.
Whether you find yourself cleaning messes or you are in a mess yourself, I pray that you are encouraged with the reminder that the love of Jesus meets us where we are. Sometimes we are the one cleaning the mess, or literally the crap that someone else is swimming in! We then become a conduit of God’s grace and love. However, sometimes we are the ones swimming in our own mess and need cleaning up. There may even be moments when we experience both perspectives at the same time. Whatever the case, God’s love for us is the same no what mess we find ourselves in, or the mess we’re cleaning up.
Thanks again for your support on this wild and messy journey! I’ll be back with another blog post on the 1st.
Brad